This collection of chess jokes for kids, parents, teachers, and chess players is great any time of day or knight!

You’ll find jokes about kings, queens, castles, bishops, knights and pawns.

These jokes about chess are great for everyone, including those with just a basic understanding of the game. Plus they’re clean chess jokes that are safe for all ages.

Treat your aspiring chess masters to some funny chess jokes before you sit down for a game.

Chess Jokes for Kids

Q: What did the chess player say to the waitress?
A: Check, please.

Q: What did the judge do to the guilty chess player?
A: He threw the rook at him.

Q: Why was the chess piece so lonely?
A: It was an isolated pawn. (Isolated pawns do not have a pawn of the same color next to them)

Q: Why do chess pieces look so uninterested?
A: They’re part of a bored game.

A dog was playing chess with a man in the park. As the dog put the man’s king into checkmate, an onlooker said how amazing the dog was. “He’s not that amazing,” said the man. “I’m ahead four games to one!”

Q: How did the chess player make money during the match?
A: From a Discovered Check he found on the board.

Q: Why did the chess player bring a baseball bat to his game.
A: Just in case he needed a Squeeze play.

Q: Why did it take so long for the chess master to finish his dinner?
A: The table had a checkered tablecloth and it took forever to pass him the salt shaker.

Q: What looks like half a pawn?
A: The other half?

Q: Where did the chess player sleep?
A: In a KING size bed.

Q: Why did the board game fall off the breakfast bar?
A: Counter-attack

Q: Why couldn’t the chess player move his rook?
A: He couldn’t get over the moat.

Q. Which chess piece is the most powerful?
A. The Knight, It goes over the top.

Q: How did the king lose his home?
A: One of the horses took his castle.

Q: Why wouldn’t the cowboy play chess?
A: He was afraid he might lose his horse.

Q: Why did the chess player bring pencils and a sketch pad to the game?
A: In case there was a draw.

Q: Why did the chess master marry a Slovakian woman?
A: He wanted a Czechmate.

Q: How was winning the chess game so HARD?
A: It was a STALE-mate.

Q: Why did the lights go out during the chess tournament?
A: Too many Pawn Storms (A situation arising from opposite-side castling).

Q: What the most costly move in chess?
A: The Check.

Q: What’s the easiest way to move your castle?
A: Re-moat control.

Q: How did Darth Vader keep track of his chess game?
A: Using For-SYTH notation (it’s a method for recording positions)

Q: Where can you learn how to play chess?
A: Knight school.

Q: Which knight always gave up at chess?
A: Sir Render.

Q: What happened to the pawn after he beat the castle?
A: He got promoted.

Q: Why shouldn’t you use old bread as a chess piece?
A: Because it would be a stale mate.

Q: Where do the most powerful chess players live?
A: Queens (it’s in NY).

Q: What did the woman call her husband when they played chess together?
A: Her check mate.

Q: Why did the boy put his knight on top of the rook?
A: He was playing fort-knight.

Q: How didn’t the chess master near the buffet?
A: He was known for over-using his Royal Fork (knight simultaneously attacks the opponent’s king, queen and rook).

Q: When do chess players wear armor?
A: When they play knight games.

Q: Where does a chess player trade his pieces?
A: At a pawn shop.

Q: What do you give crazy chess playing as a snack?
A: Chessnuts.

Q: Why is it so easy to learn how to move chess pieces?
A: It’s all right there in black and white.

Q: Why didn’t the chess player offer a draw?
A: Because he wasn’t a good artist.

Q: What did the Australian chess player say to the waiter?
A: Check, mate!

Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Bishop.
Bishop who?
Bishop who just put you in check!

Q: Why did the chess player offer to draw?
A: Because he was a good artist.

Q: Why did the hockey player go to the chess tournament?
A: So he could check someone.

Q: Why did the chess master go to jail?
A: Too many bad checks.

Q: What type of board game do football players play?
A: Blitz Chess

Q: Why was the chess piece in so much trouble?
A: It was a Bad Bishop (a Bad Bishop is when it is blocked long-term by pawns)

Q: Why was the chess board so wet?
A: The queen has reigned for years.

Q: Why did the chess game seem so familiar?
A: It was a match.

Q: Why did the chess piece keep bumping into the queen?
A: It was a Backward Pawn.

Q: Why did the senior citizens have to dance half way through their match?
A: Because of the Fifty-move rule

Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
Queen.
Queen who?
Queen your room. It’s a mess!

Q: Why did the pirates raid the tournament?
A: The were looking for a treasure chess.

Chess is above all a mind game, and players sometimes go to ridiculous lengths to psych out their opponents. But for sheer insanity, the World Championship showdown between Viktor Korchnoi (pictured left) and Anatoly Karpov (pictured right) takes the cake.

The two grand masters were intense rivals. Karpov was a member of the Communist Party and a model of the “Soviet New Man.” Like every chess player who brought honors to the Soviet state, Karpov was rewarded with a Mercedes, a chauffeur, a Moscow apartment, and a country dacha. Korchnoi, on the other hand, was a rebel who defected to the Netherlands in 1976 and constantly criticized the Soviet system. To the Soviets, the Jewish Korchnoi was a diseased and immoral character.

The 1972 title match between Bobby Fischer and Boris Spassky proved that the Cold War could be fought as intensely on a chessboard as on an actual battlefield. In 1978, Fischer had forfeited his title, and the free world was now represented by Korchnoi. His showdown with Karpov, the ice-cold calculator from behind the Iron Curtain, took place in Baguio, Philippines.

For their first game, Korchnoi wore mirrored sunglasses to hide his eyes from Karpov’s stare, which had bothered him in a previous match. Karpov complained that the mirrors reflected the light into his eyes. Karpov also requested that Korchnoi’s chair be examined for “prohibited devices” (presumably the mind-zapping kind) and distracted his opponent by swiveling in his own chair during games.

Korchnoi’s camp then objected to the yogurt delivered to Karpov during games, suggesting that the color might be some sort of coded message. Perhaps a strawberry yogurt signified one move and raspberry another. Korchnoi was also bothered by a member of the Soviet entourage named Vladimir Zukhar, a parapsychologist who would sit in the front row and stare malevolently at him. Korchnoi suspected that Zukhar was hypnotizing him and interfering with his brain waves. Thanks to the “psychic,” Korchnoi was a nervous wreck by the seventh game.

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To counteract Zukhar, Korchnoi brought in Dada and Didi, two members of an Indian sect called Ananda Marga. Zukhar had the two mystics teach him yoga and transcendental meditation. It was now the Soviet delegation’s turn to be unsettled when Dada and Didi hovered around them during the games.

Revived, Korchnoi came back from being three games behind to leveling the score at five to five. Whoever won the next game would become the champion. There was an unsubstantiated claim that the KGB was ready to poison Korchnoi. If true, his life was probably spared when he lost the tiebreaker. After failing to beat Karpov in their grudge match, Korchnoi said he would bring along the CIA next time around. Moscow simply laughed him off.

Article From – listverse.com

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Chess masters are known to employ strange methods to win their games. Ruy Lopez, the famous 16th-century Spanish priest and chess player, once advised, “Sit your opponent with the sun in his eyes.” Another player named Lucena once recommended, “Try to play after your opponent has eaten or drunk freely.”

In the 19th century, Harry Nelson Pillsbury attributed his clear thinking to puffing on a cigar during his games. On the other hand, Szymon Winawer said he deliberately smoked bad cigars so the odor would mess with his opponent’s concentration. And at the 1935 World Championship, the superstitious Alexander Alekhine would place his Siamese cat on the chessboard before a game as a good luck charm. Alekhine was also allegedly hoping for an allergic reaction from his opponent. When he was forbidden to play with the cat on his lap, Alekhine turned to wearing a sweater with a picture of his pet on it.

So we are left wondering what Rosendo Balinas was trying to pull off at the 1979 Lone Pine tournament. A Filipino grand master, Balinas was playing against Jeremy Silman. The game started off quietly enough, but 10 turns later, things got a little bit crazy. According to Silman’s eyewitness account:

At this point, Balinas placed a thermos filled with hot tea on the table. Then he put a big cup of honey next to it. I expected him to take a bit of honey and mix it in with the tea, but instead he shocked me! He took the tea, poured it into the honey (which turned into a thick goo), and then drank every bit of it. Appalled, I noticed that his eyes immediately glazed over as the sugar hit his brain. Then, smiling, he continued the game.

But the Filipino was in a stupor after that incomprehensible act of self-sabotage. He lasted only another 12 moves. Silman was so sorry for him that he took no pleasure in his easy win.

Article From listverse.com